The Ballad Of Smokin Joe Rudeboy

Intro Am Verse Am E Let me tell a little story about a man long time ago F G Am He was the quickest draw in the wild west by the name of Smokin' Joe It's Smokin' Joe! Hit the floor E But he didn't own no six-gun Lemme tell you what he'd do When the varmint rode into town Am He'd shoot 'em down with a big fat "fuck you!" Chorus C Smokin' Joe! (it's Smokin' Joe Rudeboy!) Lemme make sure I heard you right G 7.50 dollars for large soy cappucino F Lemme get my wallet E Fuck you! Am C Smokin' Joe! (it's Smokin' Joe Rudeboy!) Lemme make sure I heard you right G Even though I'm not with Amazon you're calling me to tell me F That my profile has been hacked? E Fuck you! Verse Am C And so Joe held the law in the town in which he lived G F Yeah! Only stupid motherfuckers would talk shit around Rudeboy E With his whiplash wrist Gon' get it now! Am C Leroy "Two Gun" Jenkins thought that he could surely win G F But before Leroy could blink he was told to sit and spin E Why don't you take it for a ride now? Am C The Mongoose Mountain Gang played dirty with a twenty-man crew G F But tales are told that Joe grew eighteen arms E That day as a gift from Vishnu Am And as he rose in fame C G Every quickdraw outlaw came to the man N.C. They heard whose fists would burn when he flipped the bird Chorus Am C Smokin' Joe! (it's Smokin' Joe Rudeboy!) Lemme make sure I heard you right G You wanna refund the money that I spent F In your shop with a store credit? E Fuck you! Am C Smokin' Joe! (it's Smokin' Joe Rudeboy!) Lemme make sure I heard you right G Everybody brought a platter to my fancy birthday dinner F But you brought soda water? E Fuck you! Verse Am C G He got that name because his finger burns hot like the sun F E And leaves you smokin' when he's done Am C It's just as well that Joe is fast as hell G Cause in every duel he won I'm not sure F E Joe knew that they had a literal gun Am I know that they're packing heat C And I know that they know that I'm the man to beat G But when I step onto the street with a jingle in my feet F E They know that I know that they know that they can Fuck themself! Am Some say many years ago C Before Joseph Rudeboy was Smokin' Joe G He had a wife; her name was Bo F E Bo was with child in a happy home Am But into town an outlaw came C Who wore a velvet cloak like a bloodstain G Now Bo didn't like Joe using no gun F E So Bo told Joe to fucking run Am C "You gotta bring back help!" (Run fast Joe, fast Joe) G Lemme stay and fight! F E But Bo said "No guns, you've got to go!" Bridge Am C Joeseph Rudeboy was too slow G For a child that he'd never know Am C Joeseph Rudeboy you're too slow G C Burning inside Joeseph died but from the ash the man who rose was Chorus Am C Smokin' Joe! (it's Smokin' Joe Rudeboy!) He's a human pheonix G Yes, that's the word I heard he was born in a fire D And rides a pair of flamin' birds Am C Smokin' Joe! (it's Smokin' Joe Rudeboy!) I heard he's never shot no-one but he's G Still locked up half of the wild west D Lookin' for a velvet-wearing son-of-a-gun Verse A C One day an outlaw came to town Come out here Smokin' Joe G You're just as well already dead F E He wore a velvet cloak but Joe saw red Am C And on the street the fateful pair did meet G All the townsfolk came to watch when they knew F E Joe was gonna tell someone to f— Am C Their eyes were locked what seemed like three eternities G To Joe the velvet man seemed different D From how he remembered him to be Am C But it was all the same to Smokin' Joe, who'd been through hell G He'd dreamt every night the last eighteen years F E Of telling this guy to fuck himself Am C But when Joe went to ball his hand into a flamin' fist G The outlaw shot him first with a F E Middle finger that looked just like his Am C And as Joe fell he beheld the outlaw's face G A young girl who'd seen it all F E And grew up in a terrible place Am Whose mother once told Joeseph C To run and bring back help G N.C. A girl who thought her father had run out to save himself Chorus Am C Smokin' Joe! (it's Smokin' Joe Rudeboy!) Lemme make sure I heard you right G You been telling everybody I'm a deadbeat daddy F Didn't know I tried to save ya? Yeah E Fuck you, daughter! Am C Smokin' Joe! (it's Smokin' Joe Rudeboy!) Lemme make sure I heard you right G F Now I found my father and I learnt the truth we can be reunited? That's right E Fuck you, old man! Outro Am