The Laughing Gnome

the laughing gnome C G# C i was walking - down the high street - when i heard footsteps behind me , G# C F C F C and there was a little old man in scarlet and grey , chuckling away . G# C well he trotted - back to my house - and he sat beside the telly , G# C F C F C with his tiny hands on his tummy , chuckling away , chugging all day . [ spoken ] "i ought to report you to the gnome office . " "gnome office , ha , ha , ha!" A#9 F7 A#9 F7 ha , ha , ha! - hee , hee , hee! - i’m a laughing gnome and you can’t catch me . - A#9 F7 A#9 G#7 F7 ha , ha , ha! - hee , hee , hee! - i’m a laughing gnome and you can’t catch me . - C said the laughing gnome . G# C well i gave him - roasted toad - stools - and a glass of dandelion wine . G# C F C F C then i put him on a train to eastbourne and carried his bag and gave him a fag . C "ave you got a light boy?" "’ere! where do you come from?" "gnome - man’s land . " "oh , really . " C G# C in the morning - when i woke up - he was sitting on the edge of my bed - G# C F C F C with his brother whose name was fred . he’d brought him along - to sing me a song . - C "alright let’s here it?" "’ere! what’s that clicking sound?" F "that’s fred . he’s a metrognome . " "own up . i’m a gnome , ain’ i?" C "ain’t you got a gnome to go to?" "no! we’re gnomads . " "didn’t they teach you to get your ’aircut at school? you look like a rolling gnome . " "not at the london school of ecognomics . " C G# C now they staying - up the chimney - and we’re living on caviar and honey - G# C F C F C ’cause they’re earning me lots of money , writing comedy prose for radio shows . "it’s the er - it’s the gnome service , of course . " [ repeat Chorus and fade ]